Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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