Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
