The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
