yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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