I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize