then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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