the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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