his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
