oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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