i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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