Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
