her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
