Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
