As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
