You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
