I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
