I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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