Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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