im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
