Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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