Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I'm really busy with my period
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