I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
