Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
