just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if only i could text you this smell
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
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