I hate your face
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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