is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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