nut hugger
I want to have your abortion
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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