these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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