Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
When did angry sex become our thing?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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