My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
