you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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