He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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