dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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