I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
