before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
