Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
