Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
