i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
