I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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