we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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