I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
