Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
There r osticjed everywhere
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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