Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
