So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
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I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
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I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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