How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
