i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
