i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
