She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
