I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
