it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
