yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
