When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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