I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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