Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
