I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
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We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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