so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
