Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize