So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
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where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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