Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
he's gonorrhea incarnate
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
