Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
