I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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