Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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