so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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