whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
