the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
