even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
